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Sometimes I lead myself toward quick fixes and platitudes. If I feel stuck, I’ll tell myself, “Count your blessings.” It’s safe territory for self-correction because many of us have at least a few blessings with which to work. Saying “Count your blessings!” distracts me from solving the root problem by actually admonishing me for having a problem. This one phrase seems to take away my right to feel overwhelmed, hurt, alone or scared – whether or not I’m ready to feel whole.

There are times when counting the blessings just doesn’t work. Not yet. Just because I can see the blessings doesn’t mean I’m in a place to appreciate the view. I need time to grieve, to think about what I could have done differently. I need to know I’m stuck, so I can decide it’s time to stop reveling in the pain.

It’s right and good to count my blessings. It’s just that I need to get there on my own. I have come to realize that many people would value a friend who can simply sit quietly at their side, listening and waiting in equal measure.

This message is excerpted from “Moving beyond platitudes” by Karris A. Golden in the September 2018 Gather magazine.